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Amy Winehouse still walks among the living

A surprisingly immune to overdose Amy Winehouse went on her daily drinking binge last night and in the process managed to assault an innocent bystander. Apparently an older woman was concerned for Amy’s health and stopped to talk to her. Fearing that her drugs might be in danger, Amy’s survival instincts kicked in, according to The Sun:

Amy lashed out at the middle-aged woman – giving her a hard slap and screaming: “Let f***ing go of me, d***head.”
As she walked away, Amy carried on shouting at her victim, calling her a “f***ing bitch”.

Amy then quickly scaled a fire escape where she attempted to breast feed a bag of crack. British authorities are calling it “the most heinous act of terror since that time Amy peed on a fire hydrant.”

Thanks to Helena who reminds everyone that Amy Winehouse won’t enter your house unless you invite her in. Also, she can’t cross bodies of water so, HA, England! In your face!

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Look Out, World: Amy Winehouse Wants Kids

What’s scarier than a picture of Britney Spears in the morning?

The concept of Amy Winehouse procreating. With Blake Fielder-Civil. Together.

The typically drugged out singer recently said:

I want at least five kids. I want twins. Blake is gonna be the most amazing dad.

No Kid-ing: Amy Winehouse wants children with Blake Fielder-Civil.

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Amy Winehouse immortalized in wax

Amy Winehouse, for who the hell knows what reason, has been immortalized in wax at Madame Tussauds in London. Her parents Mitch and Janis stopped by for the unveiling sans Amy which prompted Mitch to ask Janis “Why couldn’t you have had a wax baby? I want a divorce.” The AP reports:

The singer’s parents, Mitch and Janis Winehouse, attended the unveiling, but the 24-year-old soul diva did not. Her father said she was working and would see the waxwork in the next few weeks.
“This is the reward for her musical achievements and her talent,” Mitch Winehouse said, adding the model bears an “incredible” likeness to his daughter.

For even further authenticity, the statue was rolled around the inside of a dumpster out back. These people don’t fuck around.

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Dad: Amy Winehouse is Going to Die. Slowly.

Amy Winehouse’s father, Mitch, says he fears his troubled daughter is going to die, and die “a very slow and painful death” at that.

“She won’t die of a drug overdose, it won’t be that quick,” he told the BBC News. “She will die, unfortunately, of emphysema. That would be the most likely scenario if she didn’t check her behavior, which she is doing.”

Mitch Winehouse added that Amy’s incarcerated husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, should probably check into rehab when he gets out of prison.

Wonder where he got that amazing insight?

“If he comes out and they go back to doing what they were doing before, she is going to have a serious health problem,” the elder Winehouse said of Blake Fielder-Civil, who has been locked up for the past seven months.

“He’s a fit young man, he could probably carry on like this for the rest of his life. Amy can’t and he has to understand that,” Mitch said.

Amy Winehouse - who has been in the news recently for a series of strange behavior and drug-fueled melees - will stop performing in September to conserve her voice. She will also start writing her new album around then.

Well, that’s the plan unless a spontaneous coke binge interferes.

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Amy Winehouse’s Pubes Will Make You Puke

Oh God, I can’t believe I’m posting this. It’s the kind of thing that will give you nightmares for the rest of your life.* But if you think you’re brave, or that you can’t possibly be scarred more than…

Amy Winehouse officially needs to be put down now

Amy Winehouse has decided she’s sexy. The shit has hit the fan, folks. I’m talking Code Red; we need snipers on the roof. It all started yesterday when Amy visited her husband Blake in prison and decided to give him a little window love, according to The Sun:

The Rehab singer was visiting hubby BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL when she yanked her top down, pressed her boobs against a glass booth and writhed suggestively.
One visitor said: “It was not a pleasant sight. Amy seemed completely out of it.”

Amy then headed off to the Monarch where she attempted to seductively pose in front of ol’ Union Jack. (Outcome: FAIL and they had to burn the flag.) If you thought terrorism was our biggest threat, guess again. The chick above wants to show you her breasts. Let that sink in for a minute. I know battle-hardened vets, guys who were in the shit in Nam, who cried like babies when I broke the news to them. Okay, maybe I told them the Viet Cong are hiding out in her beehive, but still.

Amy Winehouse: Bloodied and Begging

When you think of a multi-platinum recording artist you think of wealth, charm, and charisma. But Amy Winehouse is completely rewiring that stereotype.

Last night, the “Rehab” singer was spotted leaving the Good Mixer pub in London, England, the latest stop on her evening’s pub crawl. And the uber-successful singer, whose hand was all bloodied up, couldn’t seem to find the money to buy cigarettes, therefore she begged the paparazzi for a smoke.

, Amy Winehouse: Bloodied and Begging, Celebrity Scandals: The Gossip Girls,
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Amy Winehouse addicted to tanning booths? Okay, sure

Amy Winehouse has a new addiction: tanning! Of course, you couldn’t tell by looking at her, but all I’ll say is: crack. Amy’s friends are concerned because she’s not only spending way too much time fake-baking, but also tends to pass the fuck out in the booths. This should end well. The Sun reports:

Rehab singer Amy, 24, even dozes off under the ultraviolet lamps, which release the same type of harmful radiation found in sunlight.
One friend said: “Amy can’t do anything by halves. Recently she has been going for it on the sunbed, but she won’t be told. She bought it to get rid of scabs that started appearing on her skin.”

Please, let her try tanning with the beehive on. Please, let her try tanning with the beehive on. Please let her try tanning with the beehive on. Please, let her try tanning with the beehive on. Please, let her try tanning with the beehive on….

Amy Winehouse addicted to tanning booths? Okay, sure

Amy Winehouse and a long-hair dude are cheating on her husband

Daaaaaamn! She’s really cheating on her husband. Poor Blake..he’s in jail doing all kind of stuff for the muscle men.. being their woman.. And Amy … Amy Winehouse and a long-hair dude are cheating on her husband

Amy Winehouse stops wearing her wedding ring!Why!?

Winehouse singer was spotted at a bar in Camden with Rebecca Loos’ ex-girlfriend lesbian lover Emma Basden. Amy was not alone, she took her goddaughter … Amy Winehouse stops wearing her wedding ring!Why!?